I'm On My Way To Take In

Ada saat ketika langit menjadi begitu abu. Begitu pekat.
Saat cahaya kilat berpendar. Membuat mataku sontak tertutup. Takut.
Bila aku boleh memilih. Lebih baik aku dengar suara petir setiap saat. Daripada aku harus duduk mendengarkan apa yang tidak terlontarkan secara langsung, apa yang tidak tersaksikan secara kasat.
Sayangnya aku tidak berhak untuk memilih. Tuhanku lebih ingin aku mendengarkan kenyataan.

Entah. Seketika aku merasa ada yang harus aku tertawakan saat itu juga.
Tentang namaku yang mungkin ada pada mulut, hati ,dan pikiran mereka.
Tentang namaku yang ada pada keseharian mereka.
Tentang namaku yang menyibukkan diri mereka.

Betapa sandiwara dunia ini benar. Dan aku mungkin adalah salah satu aktris dari film kehidupan. Barangkali wajar apabila mereka berkata seperti mereka adalah juri untuk hidupku. Aku sebagai diriku memang sama sekali tidak pernah mengerti, dan tidak pernah terbesit di dalam hati untuk mencelakakan atau merugikan siapapun. Terutama orang-orang di sekitarku.
Sepertinya, kali ini aku harus benar-benar melangkah. Melangkah dengan buta dan tuli.
Buta akan mereka yang menatapku dengan rendah. Tuli akan mereka yang menilaiku dengan pikiran yang dangkal.

Sepertinya, kali ini aku pun harus benar-benar mengerti. Mengerti dengan yang tidak satu dan segala aspek-aspeknya. Semacam toleransi, mungkin.
Walau aku sendiri merasa sesak. Namun rasanya terlalu lemah bila aku berikan air mata ini untuk hal-hal yang demikian. Sama sekali aku tidak mengerti mengapa mereka tidak menempatkan diri hanya pada satu sisi. Hitam atau putih. Bukan berada pada tengah-tengahnya.

Tuhanku barangkali sengaja. Tuhanku barangkali hanya ingin memperingatkan.
Bahwa setiap apa yang aku lihat di dunia ini tidak seutuhnya adalah benar.
Bahwa setiap emas yang aku lihat pun tidak berarti adalah murni.
Bahwa setiap tempat yang aku tuju pun tidak selalu adalah tujuan.

Inilah salah satu hal yang selalu aku renungkan setiap saat aku ingat Tuhan. Betapa Dia begitu sungguh. Terlepas dari segala kepalsuan dan kefanaan. Betapa Dia begitu tulus. Tanpa pamrih apapun.

Dan guruku mungkin benar. Pernah beliau memberi suatu petuah padaku bahwa untuk mencapai hidup yang sukses adalah dengan menjadi pemerhati yang paling baik. Pada awalnya sama sekali tidak terpikirkan bagaimana caraku memperhatikan segala tingkah laku manusia sedang aku berbaur pula bersama mereka. Tapi kini perlahan-lahan aku dapat membuka celah-celah itu. Aku hampir mengerti bahwa dengan memperhatikan, aku akan memahami segala hal.

Dan sekarang, aku sedang dalam perjalanan menuju paham. Paham bagaimana seharusnya aku kepada dunia, dunia terhadapku, aku di dunia dan dunia di dalamku.
Dengan satu hal yang tampak sederhana. Memperhatikan. Read more...

Begging God

Dear, God.
Maybe my life was a rollercoaster but I keep trying to see more detail and deeply than usual. It's like I have no idea to be not thankful.
You, God.
You still give a chance to me to live. You still hold my parents to be here. You still gimme your little surprise. You still gimme something that I never thought it before. You, God.. Your plan is the best plan ever!!!
You couldn't be compared with anything. You are the source of the powers.
One thing I wanna thank is all the people around me. Whomever they are. I'm so thankful. Good or bad guys. They complete my day.
Moreover, You still gimme a belief to be with him. With A. He's like your gift package to me and I'm happy :)
I knew you see. Dear, God.. Even tho' it's been more of two years but my heart still beat fast when I'm with. Or when I'm thinking about. He might not have a lot of sameness with me. That's why we're just completing each other. Like a positive and negative pole, they're totally different but attract :P

I don't know what's the real point but he always.. he almost.. amazing.

I love when he calls me when he knows that I'm crying.
I love when he says he love me as deep as the deep sea and untouch sky. That's your words! :)
I love when he laughs, tease me, telling my sad expression when I cry in front of him. It sucks but I love the way he remembers me when I'm not in a good condition.
I love when he begs me to be forgiven like a child ask the candy to his Mom.
I love when he gives me a simple goodnight or morning text.
I love when he surprises me when I open the door.
I love when he blinks his eyes. It's kinda cute!
I love when he angry because he missing me.
I love when he looking for me and worried about my self.
I love when he keeps telling me I'm sexy even tho' I always tell him I'm fatty :P
I love when he says he love my cheeks even tho' mine is chubby :P
I love when he plays my nose like he didn't have. LOL
I love when he opens his arms wide to get me hug.
I love when he wipes my hair like I'm his lil' sister.
I love when he stands beside me then seeing my self shorter than him.
I love when he gives his shoulder to lean on.
I love when he asleep and shows me his puppy eyes.
I love when he makes it all to me. Even tho' I always confused what should I choose.
I love the way he sobers me. I love the way he makes me addicted.

And I loveeeeeeeeeee everything on A. Even tho', I know he is so fretful sometimes, or getting sensitive. And some friend tells me how flat he is. (Hahaha...) But over all, he's warm and good lover :P

Dear, God. I just can keep anything you give to me. Please teach me how to make them safe. And please, don't take them too early. Parents, fragiles, love, friends. You all so precious! Can not be replaced.

Dear, God. Require A. Please.

A lover to love me.
A brother to protect me.
A bestfriend to listen me.
And Anything.
Read more...

This Girl is Trying to See What's Going Around Her

It's like a surprise for me. A surprise in the last year.
I never thought before that someone could change so fast. Well.. it's like out of my mind. Okay, don't mind it. I just.. lil' disappointed.

A lot of lesson I've got. That..
We shouldn't trust too much to anyone.
We shouldn't expect too much to anyone.
We shouldn't depend too much to anyone.
Because.. I've heard. I've seen. I ever did it. Then got something worst. And because I know, God dislikes an excessive. That's why we'll get bad when we do something with 'over' or 'too much'.
So I'll stay calm. Doing anything naturally. I live with the flow. Even tho' sometimes I used to drive it by myself.

Don't you remember? At least, every human will harm each other. To get what they want in life. No matter what it is. At least, every human will defame each other. (creepy)
But it happens now! Even far from today.
I don't know what's the motive, but according to my sight the people don't want to get the damage or live unhappily. We are as the human will do anything for a quality life. I don't know whether they are know or not about the 'temporal'.

Over all, the point is.. Life is a cruel. Life is a choice. Life is about do and do not. You could be someone that you wanted. You could be everything you dreamed. Yes, if you would die to get it.
Life is about a bravery. Brave to right or wrong. Live is about breathing. Breath easily or hardly.
And life, it could be about You!

Just lay your head down. Try to think about your God, the human, and the world where you living. Then you'll find sooooo much lesson! You'll feel like you're sooo tiny in this world. Then you'll see, who you are. Here.. in this world.

Keep living with the peace! :) Read more...

Dream As High As You Can :P

This is the main page from my wedding invitation task. (laughing)

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No Title

Peace. Read more...

Wha-wha-what?

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

*Keane - Everybody's Changing

Cuaca siang ini bzz banget! Panas.
Dan kaki saya bzz banget juga. Bentol di telapaknya.
Goshhh!! What's wrong with today?! Read more...

Un-thingy

I know people change and these things happen:

An unsaid words. An un-kind feeling. An untold intention. An unseen tears. An unheard call. An un-normal expecting. An untouched heart.

Have you ever tried to find the words, but they don't come out right?
And all you can do is wait.
All you can do is howl.
All you can do is hold a black star.
But all you got and see just none. Have you ever?

Then suddenly breathing is so hard to do. .

Well. Just gimme the rain.
Now.

Read more...